maybe locking in isn't linear

mama there's so much ahead of you!

For someone who constantly wants to do and achieve everything all at once I’m realizing it’s not that straightforward. And this realization does stink because everything tells we need to do is “lock in” and everything you want is on the other side of fear. But when even now as I dive back into my newsletter, I’m simultaneously undertaking 10 other goals I want to accomplish which often feels like this:

If I’m being real with myself, my productivity or drive comes in waves so I often try to do everything all at once before I slip into another slump. And a lot of that pressure comes from that pesky feeling in your 20s that a) everyone has it figured out and b) you’re on the clock to figure it out as well. To mitigate this frantic and often unrealistic mindset, I'm trying to process what is the best way for me to go about growing, achieving goals, and being in the drivers seat of creating my best life.

✨ WHAT’S MY POINT OF VIEW? ✨

POINT #1: Growing is easiest when life is on your side

A goal is defined as “the object of a person's ambition or effort; an aim or desired result.” After looking at this definition two words stand out to me: ambition and effort. “Ambition” has a much more positive connotation and sounds like things I would define as dreams or what I ultimately want out of life. Milestones I want to accomplish that leave me with a sense of hope and help me feel closer to my purpose. On the flip side when I hear “effort” those sound like goals that I essentially have to do or feel I ought to do. In a country guided by capitalistic principles, it’s so easy to fall into a cycle of doing only the latter as I would argue it’s the one thing that allows most of us to dream and feed into that ambition. I know from first-hand experience as the past three months have felt like I’m only doing what it takes to get me to the next day, nothing more and nothing less. And while I wish that wasn’t the case, I’ve realized it’s easy to follow your dreams when things are secure. When you have a stable living situation, when you love your job, when your relationships are in a good place that’s when your free time looks like time where you could work harder vs. time where you can just take a break. But when your back is against the wall, things get dicey, cuts are made, and you abandon passions in favor of just getting by.

I say all this to say that as the sun sets earlier the internet is full of more winter arc + “how to become that girl” messaging that usual: you are not falling behind. Change one thing. One tiny step is better than none. I sound like a broken record but perhaps if I say it enough times it’ll eventually sink in.

POINT #2: If I don’t prioritize it, it’s not happening

I feel like I’ve heard the phrase “you make time for the things you prioritize” in so many different contexts. The earliest being my parents as they taught me right from wrong and the most recent being a man in my phone who said I was not prioritizing him by not responding to his dry texts and he was right about that one (shoutout to #womeninmalefields). All jokes aside it’s common knowledge that we mold our lives to put the things we prioritize first whether that be family, school, yourself, or work. But the hard part is when you realize you’re saying one thing and doing another. If you asked me right now, I’d say that I’m prioritizing family, fitness/wellness, increasing my financial literacy, and my nurturing my ever growing and changing creative endeavors. But if you looked at the past few weeks I’ve been prioritizing scrolling on TikTok, nursing the occasional hangover, door dashing as if my life depends on it, and staying up so late that waking up each morning is one of the most challenging parts of the day.

NOW I do think that this mentality my generation has in their 20s that we must lock in and reach all our goals before some arbitrary deadline rids us of the joy and fun of being this young. I deserve to have a fun night out, to order my General Tso’s or Curry Chicken from my couch, and to sit and watch Reasonable Doubt (my latest binge watch) while laying on my bed. Our lives are not meant to be run like businesses and there is so much joy to be had in just living life and seeking enjoyment—the key however is balance and flexibility. Cooking during the week so I can DoorDash on the weekend. Spending a few nights writing my newsletter instead of scrolling so that I can join in on drinks with the girls guilt free. And also leaving wiggle room for priorities to shift, progress to be undone, and to just be a human being. Realizing and laying out my priorities isn’t the hard part, shaping my life to put those priorities first is—and right now I’m just trying to figure out how to make the two meet.

✨ SO WHAT’S THE POINT? ✨

This was a long-winded way of saying I wish through all the enjoyment of the late summer, the chaos of my move, in between a few concerts, and a lovely trip to Chicago that I took a beat and wrote some words down. When life gets busy the first thing to slip away are the things I want to do, never the things I have to do. It can be even more frustrating when you're like me and your dream isn’t super clear you just know that there is one out there somewhere.

I have been saving so many random positive memes as of late such as this lovely one above but to sum it all up the great (and delusional) Carrie Bradshaw once said: “Computers crash, people die, relationships fail. The best we can do is breathe and reboot” and that is true for me now more than ever.

from me to you,

Ianthe